Let Go, To Move Forward

Tuesday, 27 January 2009. Let Go, To Move Forward seems like an effortless phrase, but really, letting go of all the unjustice, hurt, failures, or maybe, to make it sound less pathetic, letting go of old habits, is such struggle. Forgive and forget? Also another daunting task. But if you never let go of your past, how would you be able to grab the opportunities, or move towards your future?

Have you had days when you have forgotten, what's today's date? I'm wondering, is this a sign of old age, or really, a sign that one couldn't let go of the past.

My company has the latest habit of sharing everyone's to do. It's really a good habit to know what you need to do, what you need to prioritise and same for everyone else. So, it's easy to share the load around. Yet, I had the struggle of looking at the same list, and, probably this is also why, I keep looking back (what I had to do and can't finish) and can't keep track of the time I have at present, and the time in future, that I can treasure and appreciate. Someone, this "To Do" thing, just keep scaring me of how little time I have, and how much thing I have to do.

Whatever it is, this year cannot just be another year overwhelmed with To Do. No, I can't allow this to happen.

The other day, I had a really interesting dream. Or rather, scary dream.

The sky suddenly turned red, and molten rocks were falling and catching up with us. Myself, husband and sister, listened with horror and sadness, as we heard a voice that says "Yes, you are right, it's the dooms day. And you, are one of the few priviledged, to survive through this, and start a new generation. It's another 100 days to dooms day." Though a dream, I could almost feel my heart twitched, and ached.

At that moment, the first thing that come to my mind, is not clearing my "To Do", not working overnight and overtime. Instead, it's to spend quality time with my love ones.

I knew, I am priviledged to survie, but, I only have 1oo days, with the people that matter to me. I can't recall any memories that went into thinking about failing to get a chance to enjoy a life of luxury.

This is almost similar to the story that asks one to reflect what you would want to listen at your own funeral? Or, what you would want to do if you know you are dying. Something unique then, is, I know, I will survive.

It's really a scary dream and one I hope will never happen. However, as one fights for survival these days, should one scheme or badmouth people to achieve all these?

This reminds me again that I can't let go of the severe badmouthing experience that I had to suffer, by someone who, in the attempt to make him/herself look like a victim, even slander us by saying that we backstabbed him/her. I really wonder, how it turned out this way. Imagine if, a person is not performing, and you give feedback openly to him/her, and s/he can still tell you, "Thank you for your feedback, I will improve". It's so openly conveyed to him/her. And, also, the same feedback I would give to a management. How did all these become a backstabbing? And scary words that were used to describe how s/he will get back at us! It's awful how one at that age, at that gender, will use words like this.

I hope to become a victim too and have everyone to sympatise with me. But, what can all these achieve? Will sympathy help me move forward?



Sigh.. whatever it is, it won't, or maybe, it won't be happening anytime soon. Everything is still dependent on oneself. Maybe, an apology will make me feel better. Maybe, a lesson to her will make me feel better. But til then, only me myself, can make me feel better immediately.


And that is, to let go. Forgive and forget.

To keep my cool, I remind myself, I ain't no saint either, I have times where I myself, will complain to vent off too (really, a typical habit of woman :P), hence, I can't throw stone at the guilty. But, it's so hard. But but... no more "but"!!


I have to let go! I have to let go, and let God do the rest. God will be my judge.



Henceforth, for everyone out there who had a terrible experience in year 2008 or before. Or maybe now, I hope we can all let go. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone had times of anger when we behave in the most silly way.

Let's appreciate the time we have ahead now. And be thankful that we still have time to spend with our love ones. And, use the new positive energy, to create more opportunities and good memories.

I wish, for that person, to know, that it was never a backstabbing case. To truly be truthful to him/herself in terms of what was being shared to him/her. To be courageous to face up to it and not share it in untruthful ways. To know that, there's really justice in this world.

I hope, year 2009 will be a good and positive year for everyone! Where everyone will be more forgiving, will be more kind and will be more happy. Good health, physically, spiritually and.... financially!




As much as it's a struggle, the moment we have taken the first step, we are another step nearer to our goals.


Cheers!